Another Day...

I must admit that writing was never something I found comfort in. I have always been much more of a reader. I found comfort in reading others words of wisdom. Things have changed for me now and I now find comfort in writing to Russ and Nicholas. I guess I find this comforting because I don't have Nicholas here to talk. Also, when Russ is older, I want him to be able to look back and read the letters and understand how deeply I care for him and his brother. I want my boys to be able to be proud of their mom. I want them to know they are loved no matter where they are...

Sweet Russell,

          You are my light and my joy. It is because of you that I am able to get up each day. It does not matter what kind of day I have had, because when I see you everything is better. You and your Daddy are the reason God left me on Earth. You have such an amazing personality to only be 3. Last night at bedtime you and Daddy kept tickling each other and you said you just couldn't stop laughing...I thanked God for giving me such a wonderful little boy with such a delightful soul. You are so much like your Daddy and I am very thankful for that. He is an amazing person and I am glad you are like him. Thank you Russell for being my light. I will always love you! Mommy

My angel Nicholas,

          I hope you are having a great day in Heaven. I am sure you are, because I am sure you are being rocked and loved by your Mamow. I am excited, because tomorrow we will be going to see the room at the hospital that will one day be the room for families to gather when they have lost a baby. You are the reason for this room. You give me the strength to help others. I am so thankful for the courage you give me. I am still sad, but I think that is something that will never go away. I will always have a piece of me missing and I think that is what people mean when they say the "new me". This is the new me and I am still learning how to be that new person. It isn't easy. I would much rather have you here with me. I love you sweet angel! Mommy

Thankful (I am also going to include a section called Thankful - this is just to remind myself that there is good in this world)

I am very thankful for the people in my life and the help they have given me throughout this journey. I am thankful for the support and guidance shown by each of them. I am thankful for my husband and the never ending love he gives me. I am thankful for my mom and her unconditional love. I am thankful for my best friend and the amazing person she is and encourages me to be.

Quote (Just something else to help me along the way)

"You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow" Katy Perry's Firework

This has become one of my new favorite songs. If you have not listened to it, you should. If you have heard it, listen to it again and really think about the words J

Kassie