I am very happy for the time to be at home with Russ. It is truly a blessing to be able to spend so much time with such a wonderful little boy. I am making the best out of this summer, because I had different plans and they just didn’t work out. This was going to be my first summer to not work a summer program and I was going to spend the entire summer with both of my boys. Unfortunately, that is not how things happened. I am not working so that is good, but I don’t have both of my boys – that is heartbreaking for me.
I have been very fortunate to work on The Baby Dinosaur Project this past week and meet with several very supportive people! I am very hopeful that the room will be ready for use before school starts back. While meeting with some people, someone made the comment that I am so strong and brave. I have never viewed what I am doing as strong or brave – just simply trying to survive each day. I know the other mothers in my situation feel the same way. We are not strong or brave; we simple don’t know what else to do. I use the work for the BDP to help distract myself. While visiting the hospital in the past few days, there have been several families that have lost a baby. It’s so heartbreaking knowing exactly what that family is going through. I wish I could come up with some very wise words that would help them, but the truth is, there are no words that will ease their pain. I was able to take 8 more memory boxes to L&D yesterday. (Materials were donated by Tiffany Torres, Mary Pruitt, and Amanda Rosewarne & Amanda helped put all the boxes together) It feels good to be able to offer support to families.
Tomorrow, Kevin and I will have been married for 5 years. I am so happy that I have been able to spend the past 9 years with such a wonderful person!!We are leaving to go on a mini-vacation for the weekend and I am so excited to spend some much needed time together. We have had a very hard year and Kevin has been supportive through everything. I am lucky to have him. Happy Anniversary, baby!! I love you!!
My Sweet Nicholas,
I miss you. I miss you more than I ever knew was possible. I think about you all the time and I wish you were here with us. Russ wishes you were here; he talks about you a lot. We love you so much and I just wish I had one more time to hold you. You are such an important part of my life and it just isn’t fair that I don’t have you.